How to write your own ketubah text
We are huge proponents of writing your own ketubah text. My husband and I wrote ours and I have read so many thoughtful, heartwarming texts in the course of designing 150+ ketubot over the last two years. The process of shaping your own text is an opportunity to slow down during the wedding planning madness and reflect on what you truly want from your life together. It may seem intimidating if you don’t consider yourself a writer, or if you’re not super familiar with the format and traditions of the ketubah. I’m here to demystify the process, and give you a clear step-by-step guide to how to write your own ketubah text!
Table of Contents
The Essentials
How to write your own ketubah: Step-by-step
The Essentials
Why create a DIY ketubah text?
The ketubah is a part of the traditional Jewish wedding ceremony, so most Jewish weddings will include one - consequently there are infinite options for “standard” or prepared texts out there (you can see ours here). If you find one that perfectly fits you as a couple, embrace it! For many couples, however, it can be difficult to find a text that truly reflects YOUR vision for a life together, your unique relationship and values, and your spiritual beliefs. When you write your own ketubah text, you can be thoughtful about:
The style of the language: is it formal, conversational, playful?
Spiritual beliefs: You can mention, or omit, reference to a higher power, in any words that resonate with you, and name the faith traditions or practices you want to carry through to your married life
Your strengths, weaknesses, dreams and fears: We included a (gently worded) reference to my husband’s fear of death and my propensity to change my mind in our text, knowing that navigating these deep parts of our personalities would be a part of our life together
Your values and beliefs about marriage and partnership: environmentalism, feminism/gender equality, activism, physical activity/healthy eating, pursuing adventure, travel or personal growth, building a family…if it’s a core part of your lives, or you hold it dear in your vision for your marriage, it can be included and celebrated!
The ketubah is an intimate piece of art, which will live in your home and inspire you in difficult times - writing your own text can be part of a strong foundation for your marriage, a time capsule of the hope and love you feel today, and a gift to your future self.
How long should my ketubah text be?
Our standard texts are 200-300 words, which fit perfectly into our designs when paired with a Hebrew translation. If you are ordering a Foreverie Paper ketubah and would like a Hebrew translation included (see below for more on that decision), staying within 200-400 words will preserve the layout of the design as you see it in the example images. That being said, we have worked with texts up to 800 words and are glad to adjust our designs to fit what you have written. If you choose not to include Hebrew, 500-700 words is a great goal for your English text.
Does my ketubah need to include Hebrew?
Short answer: Nope!
Long answer: If you’re getting married by a Rabbi, you may want to run the question by them. Many Rabbis are fine with an English-only design, especially if they’re already comfortable with you writing your own text. If you’re having a Conservative ceremony, you’ll often have the option of writing your own English text while including a traditional Aramaic text with a special addition called the Lieberman Clause.
What does my ketubah need to say?
Introduction: The first line of a ketubah typically reads:
On the _____ day of the month of (Hebrew Month) in the year (Hebrew Year), corresponding to (Gregorian Date) here in (City, State), (Bride name) daughter of (Mother) and (Father), and (Groom name), son of (Mother) and (Father), entered into this Covenant of Marriage:
The italicized wording can be changed to your liking - some options are:
made these promises to one another
joined hands as husband and wife
vowed their eternal commitment to
You can choose to include or omit the Hebrew calendar date or parent’s names, but including all of your details - the who, what, when, where of your wedding - sets up the “contract” format of the ketubah and lends a sense of gravitas to the document.
You can find the Hebrew date for your wedding at HebCal, or we can fill it in for you.
Core: Your Promises and Vision
Rabbi Getzel Davis calls the ketubah your “marriage mission statement,” and this is the part of the ketubah where you lay out what that mission will be. What do you want to promise to one another? This can mirror your spoken vows closely. Sentences often start with “We will,” “We promise,” and “Let us build/remember/grow.” Aim for 7-12 sentences/statements that range in scope from how you hope to approach the mundanity of everyday life together, to how you intend to face challenges, celebrate lifecycle events, and build a family/home/community.
Some questions to get you started:
Where will you look for inspiration and respite?
How will you support one another through personal struggle?
How will family, friends and the wider world fit into your partnership and home?
What do you want a regular day together to feel like?
What kind of world do you want to create a microcosm of in your home?
What do you believe a spouse is responsible for?
What does “love in action” look like to you?
Closing: What does this text mean to you?
The traditional, formal Orthodox/Conservative ketubah text closes with “All this is valid and binding.” Your closing may be a summary statement that reflects the promises written above, or draws a connection between those promises and the broader world, or you may mirror the traditional format and enumerate what the text stands for. Some examples to consider:
We will carry these words and promises in our hearts every day of our lives together.
All of this we promise to be for one another.
Together, we sign this ketubah as a symbol of our heartfelt commitment to these promises and our partnership.
Does a Rabbi need to approve my ketubah text?
Again, this will vary widely depending on your Rabbi and the type of ceremony you’re having. If you’re being married by a friend, secular officiant, or clergy of another religious denomination - the simple answer is “no”. In particular, if your officiant is not a Rabbi and you’re part of an Interfaith couple, you have complete freedom to write your ketubah in any way you’d like with no need for Rabbinical input.
If you’re being married by a Rabbi, we strongly recommend their review - whether you’re writing your own text or using one of our templates. They will sometimes have an opinion about how your Hebrew name(s) are spelled, what Hebrew text is included, and how signature lines are labeled. Further, if you and your betrothed are both Jewish, some Rabbis (in particular, those in the Conservative tradition) will require you to include the Lieberman Clause to ensure that you are able to pursue the dissolution of the marriage from a Jewish standpoint if that were to become necessary.
What is the purpose of signing a ketubah?
Depending on your perspective, the tradition of ketubah signing didn’t start out very romantic; it was a very early pre-nup agreement which outlined in specific terms the financial commitment of a groom to a bride. It was heavily gendered, specified the amount of money that a bride would be allotted (not paid, set aside for the benefit of) based on her virginity status, and was signed by two male witnesses, not the couple.
In Israel, the ketubah is still considered a legal document that can be enforced by civil authority, and Orthodox and Conservative ketubot continue to utilize the traditional text, and often, signing traditions.
In contemporary weddings, the ketubah has become more of a statement of commitment and intent, reflecting the couple’s unique promises to one another on an emotional and romantic level. It is part of the public performance of the wedding ceremony, whereby you make your commitment in front of the larger community to celebrate and validate your promises; today, it is most common for the couple, as well as two witnesses (often the best man/maid of honor), and the officiant to sign the ketubah.
After you’ve written your text, read our guide to ketubah display here!
How to write your own ketubah: Step-by-Step
1) Collect inspiration
There are endless potential references for you to consider when starting the process of writing your ketubah, so there’s no need to start from scratch. You may consider looking at your favorite books and poetry - even movie quotes about love and marriage; religious texts, if those are a part of what generally inspires you; ketubot that other couples have written (here are some examples to get you started: a, b, c, d, and e); and prepared texts like ours.
2) Set the framework
Decide on the length of your text, if you’ll include Hebrew, whether you want/need to include any specific traditional elements (like the Hebrew date, your parents’ names, or other specific language), and the tone of your words. We recommend writing the introduction and conclusion first, and then turning your attention to the more creative task of the promises.
3) Imagine, reflect and record
Over a leisurely breakfast or long stroll, start to speak aloud some of your inner hopes and expectations for your life together. There may be some that you already have in common, like traveling frequently or being the hosts for big holiday meals, and others that are just fuzzy images in your head. Drawing from these ideas and hopes that you already hold will help you arrive at more specific language and promises that you want to make, though it’s always nice to include some universal values like honesty, as well. The “Core” section above includes some questions to get you started.
As you talk, note any ideas, words or phrases that resonate strongly with you both.
4) Revise and personalize
From this loose collection, you can find the themes that are essential for you to include, and you can start to pull together sentences that address them all. You may start from scratch and write everything in your own words, but you may also pull directly from your inspiration texts, or borrow wording that you update to reflect your particular vision for marriage.
Once you have put into words all of the promises you want to include, add the introduction and conclusion sections, and move sentences around until it all flows beautifully.
5) Translate (optional!) and design
If you’re going to include a direct translation of your ketubah text (more on that topic here), you may share your text with your Rabbi, or let us translate for you - translation is included in your Foreverie Paper ketubah purchase. If you haven’t yet chosen a design, you may choose to look for one that reflects themes that are represented in your text, like spending time in nature or growing side-by-side.
We hope you feel inspired and confident to write your own ketubah text. Remember, we’re always happy to answer your questions about your text, design or order. Just reach out!
Ready to choose your ketubah design? Browse our minimalist ketubah designs today.
Our specialty: creating a ketubah that feels authentic to you and fits perfectly in your wedding and home. We can customize an existing design for you with an additional language, more signature lines, different colors, and of course the text you have so thoughtfully written! We also work with couples to bring their personal design vision to life with 100% custom designs - see some of our previous custom work here.
