On Marriage
Our About page reads “we believe in marriage,” which may seem self-evident for a business in the wedding industry.
But it needs to be said, because it is faith in the power of conscious, committed partnership, not a love for weddings (or the wedding industry) that drives our work.
This year marks my 8th wedding anniversary.
When I met my husband, I was living with my mom, 6 months out of a 6-year live-in relationship, and browsing OkCupid to find anyone my age to socialize with, as all of my friends had left my hometown. As I have often told my husband…I was not looking for a husband. I was barely looking for a boyfriend.
But over and over as we got to know each other, it was clear: we were going in the same direction, and it just made sense to forge ahead together. Our engagement emerged naturally from our relationship, as we instinctively made plans for a future that included one another.
There’s a saying I’m going to mangle in summary here, but its something to the effect of: marriage involves waking up every day and saying “I do” over and over again. When people say “marriage is hard,” I don’t think its very clear how difficult it can be to say “yes” to the same person every day when that person is, inevitably, the one that irritates and disappoints you more than anyone else. This is not because you married a uniquely flawed person; it is inherent in the nature and intimacy of the relationship. There are infinite opportunities for tiny misunderstandings and hurts in each day when you truly share a life with another human. Every bad habit and quirk can be spun into a story of catastrophe when viewed through the lens of a sour mood. You collect myriad data points on this other person who is, when you get far enough from courtship to see clearly, just another three-dimensional human trying their best.
This is why I believe so much in the power of commitment - it’s even in our tagline, “commitment is beautiful.” Because on the mornings that I cannot find, anywhere in my being, the energy or conviction to say “I do” once more to the person laying beside me, I find strength in my belief in the power of marriage, in the words of the ketubah hanging over my nightstand, in the promise I made 8 years ago. A promise that was easy to make when I believed that the search was the “work” of marriage, that having found my precise match everything would be gravy, that true love and deep hurt could never intertwine.
I believe in a marriage like a river, changing all the time, and my husband and I like river rocks, getting polished as we collide. Sometimes we ride the current in synchrony, but more often we bounce off one another, every time smoothing down a rough edge. I believe in marriage like a mirror, showing us in full light corners of ourselves that we wouldn’t otherwise see.
A few years ago, there was a movement of “slow” everything - slow food, slow parenting, etc. Marriage is “slow” evolution. At what sometimes feels like a glacial pace, it reveals the incredible power of staying. Staying to work through the same recurring disagreement, staying to reclaim and rewrite old, difficult stories into meaningful, joyful lessons, staying to build and grow a family. Staying to learn to accept all the gorgeous highs and lows of being alive; learning that the goal is to ride the waves with style, not forsake the ocean. Staying to find grace for your spouse’s imperfections and your own, all of them. It’s so much richer than not staying, but it can be damn hard to remember. And so we get married, and we promise publicly not to go, and we hold onto that promise.
We believe in marriage, messy and fulfilling and always, always showing us something new, and we are truly honored to be a small part of yours.
xoxo beka
